I am a planner. I like to know what's going to happen and when, and if I can't, I like to be able to at least plan for the unknown and various situations. Things being out of control makes the hair go up on the back of my neck. It's chaos, and as a planner, chaos is both a pet peeve and a frightening concept. None the less, things are often out of control and despite my best efforts of planning for all scenarios I am still caught off guard more often than I care to admit. Like most parents awaiting their little bundle of joys' arrival, Rob and I didn't want to think of the possibility of a NICU baby, and therefore we didn't. I can remember going for our hospital tour and passing by the NICU thinking, we won't have to worry about that, and swallowing that twinge of fear that we would. It was one scenario I didn't want to plan for.
Eli's arrival was to be a scheduled c-section due to my pacemaker. (Later we found out he was breech and would require a c-section anyway). I was not a high risk pregnancy but was a high risk delivery due to the stress of labor on the heart. Despite the fact that my pacemaker fixes my heart problem, my doctors felt it better not to risk stressing the pacemaker and causing that to malfunction. Part of me was bothered by this because I never thought about giving birth in any way other than naturally, but the planner in me was thrilled. I would know exactly when my baby was coming, get the doctor I wanted for the delivery, would have everything in the house ready for him to come home, and our parents who are both from NY would definitely be there in time to see him right after he was born. The pros outweighed the cons to this planning brain of mine. My due date was 2/25, and my c-section was scheduled for 2/21, just a few days early to ensure I didn't go into labor. I had planned to have my baby showers early so that I would be able to have all of his stuff put together, all of my diaper baskets for each floor and car ready for action, and his clothes washed and ready to wear. One of my brothers, my mom and my friend Sam came to help me get organized and put things together while Rob was away for a youth group trip from 1/17-1/19. On 1/20 I went to the chiropractor for my continuingly painful left hip and sciatica from pregnancy. We also went out for my little (who isn't really little) buddy Hunter's birthday. On 1/21 I had a snow day from work and we used that time to finally finish Eli's room. Everything was ready, I was happy and I had a month to relax before my little man's arrival! Little did I know that a few short hours later, my plans would be foiled.
Rob and I are both stubborn. I like to joke that Rob's stubbornness is more of a desire to do the opposite of what you want him to while mine is more of a determination. Either way you look at it, our son got both versions and we knew that well before he was born from watching him during ultrasounds and feeling, or rather not feeling, his activity when we were looking for it! A few times I felt contractions and I would go pack my hospital bag to use the power of reverse psychology on him. Clearly they were just Braxton Hicks contractions but they went away as soon as that bag was packed, so I like to think my theory worked! At 3am on 1/22 my theory was NOT working. I had woken up to contractions about a half hour earlier, and tried to ignore them thinking they would go away. They didn't. I got out of bed and got my hospital bag packing lists (one for Eli's things and one for my own) which were sitting on my night stand and began packing my bags. My contractions were still not letting up. Knowing I was due to be at work early that morning, Rob had dug my car out from under the snow from the storm the previous day at around 10pm so it would be ready for me in the morning. We were soon out the door and in the car on our way to the hospital. The roads were slick with ice, and I was screaming in pain. My nerves were getting the best of me. I had not planned for this. I was scared, in pain, excited, totally overwhelmed and all of a sudden very nauseous. There was a cup of iced tea I had forgotten to bring in the house and quickly I rolled down the window, threw the iced tea out of the car and got sick in the cup. Not the peaceful or delightful ride to the hospital I had planned out for the morning of my c-section, THAT'S for sure! We arrived at the ER doors in total disarray. We were whisked back to Labor & Delivery.....with the car still running outside the ER (as I said, TOTAL disarray!). Once we got back to where I needed to be, Rob ran back to park our car that we hoped hadn't been stolen (haha) while I was triaged. It soon became evident that it may not have been my nerves getting the best of me, but instead it was a stomach virus. When I was finally able to lay down to be hooked up to the baby monitor, my contractions had stopped. I was not in labor, nothing was effaced or dilated. My doctor, who was on call that night, theorized that my contractions were a result of my stomach bug. I was sick, exhausted, freezing and embarrassed.
The doctor decided to do an ultrasound to check on things anyway. There was a lot of silence from what I remember as I drifted in an out of total blankness in my mind due to my exhaustion and focus on trying not to get sick during the ultrasound. Eli was fine, but my amniotic fluid level was not. They tried to make him move so they could remeasure fluid pockets, but he was playing his stubborn card. Then they looked for practice breaths. I didn't know what that meant but after a half hour of waiting, he wasn't doing that either. The doctor decided that I would be admitted, and put on IV fluids for 24 hours to bring my fluid levels up. He was hopeful that the level was low because of my being sick. No reason for worry, Eli was fine, and his heartbeat was strong and happy as my doctor liked to say! (Little did he know what foreshadowing that was!) 24 hours later, my ultrasound revealed that things hadn't changed, and again, no practice breaths from Eli. At this point I started to make plans for delivering Eli early. I figured they would want to get us to at least 36 weeks, which was 5 days away. We called our parents and told them that was a possibility. I made a list of things I would need from home in case I needed to stay in the hospital, things I all of a sudden felt need to be done in preparation at home and I felt ready again. I could be excited about the earlier arrival of my little one.
The doctor decided to do an ultrasound to check on things anyway. There was a lot of silence from what I remember as I drifted in an out of total blankness in my mind due to my exhaustion and focus on trying not to get sick during the ultrasound. Eli was fine, but my amniotic fluid level was not. They tried to make him move so they could remeasure fluid pockets, but he was playing his stubborn card. Then they looked for practice breaths. I didn't know what that meant but after a half hour of waiting, he wasn't doing that either. The doctor decided that I would be admitted, and put on IV fluids for 24 hours to bring my fluid levels up. He was hopeful that the level was low because of my being sick. No reason for worry, Eli was fine, and his heartbeat was strong and happy as my doctor liked to say! (Little did he know what foreshadowing that was!) 24 hours later, my ultrasound revealed that things hadn't changed, and again, no practice breaths from Eli. At this point I started to make plans for delivering Eli early. I figured they would want to get us to at least 36 weeks, which was 5 days away. We called our parents and told them that was a possibility. I made a list of things I would need from home in case I needed to stay in the hospital, things I all of a sudden felt need to be done in preparation at home and I felt ready again. I could be excited about the earlier arrival of my little one.
Another 24 hours later my next ultrasound also showed no change, but THIS time, Eli was showing off his practice breaths like a champ. All seemed on track according to our plan for waiting until 36 weeks to deliver. At about 10:15am, another doctor from my OB/GYN practice came in. She apparently didn't know I already plan, and had one of her own (funny how doctors do that ;-) ). She told me that Eli was safer outside than he was on the inside. She didn't see the need to wait until 36 weeks. She couldn't send me home to wait because of the risk of Eli getting an injury, or worse, with my low fluid levels and clearly IV fluids weren't helping so there was no point in me staying in the hospital and waiting either. She said "you're having that baby today!" She was ready to wheel me off to get ready that second but I had already eaten, so I was scheduled for 3pm. My mind went a thousand different directions- it was out of control! I looked at Rob and started crying and through my tears called my parents while he called his. Everyone was in shock and didn't really now how to respond, but then again, neither did we. All parents were on the road within a few hours. They weren't going to make it for the birth but would at least make it that day. I started with my lists again and sent Rob home to execute them and be back for pre-op. I took a shower, blow dried my hair and started tidying up my room. I was nesting in my hospital room that wouldn't even be mine after the delivery! I couldn't sit still. The clock was ticking and I couldn't focus on one thing long enough to feel prepared. Of course I was excited, but fear and chaos were filling my mind. Despite the chaos, the only thought I truly remember was that I continued to brush off the idea of Eli being in the NICU. I kept thinking that he was strong, he was practice breathing, he was ready. I would hold my baby boy in a few hours.
At 3:40pm, to the tune of Fireworks, by Katy Perry, Eli John entered the world at 5lbs 6oz. 17.5inches long. He came out crying like a champ! It was good and strong. I can still hear it when I close my eyes... Mostly because he does it almost every night at 3am! In my drugged up state I remember hearing him cry and thinking that was a good sign. I can remember the anesthesiologist telling me he looked like a good size baby, and that was a good sign to me too I remember watching Rob's face brighten when he saw him for the first time. I remember ripping off the arm strap that the nurse was taking too long to take off when they brought him close to me so I could touch him. I remember his color looked normal. I remember Rob holding him....for less than 30 seconds....before he was whisked off to the NICU....
Some of you may wonder why I had to tell you this part of the story to explain our NICU normal. God continually showed us that despite things being out of control, they were only out of OUR control and were in HIS control every second of this journey. The only way to truly show you this is by sharing the WHOLE story. Due to the length of it, I'm going to stop here, and my next post will be part 2. Until then, I hope you take notice of the little details I included in this story because each of them were included for a reason. They were included because looking back, I see God in all of them. Eli being breech was a better reason to give the insurance company who wouldn't cover elective c-section. Everything was ready by the time Eli came, even though I thought I had more time. Rob was back from the trip he took the weekend before. My hip was feeling better because of having just gone to the chiropractor, so I was able to walk to and from the NICU. Rob had already cleared away the snow from the car so no time was wasted on doing that. If I had started with the stomach virus symptoms before we left the house, I wouldn't have gone to the hospital. I would have assumed that was what my pain was from instead of being from contractions. If I hadn't gone to the hospital we wouldn't have known my fluid level was low which could have caused a lot of harm to Eli. The silly iced tea cup was still in the car, and Rob didn't have to be worrying about how to get the smell of vomit out of the car. My doctor was on call the night I went in, which helped to calm me down. I hadn't eaten much in days, but actually ate breakfast that morning allowing me to have a few hours to "plan" and feel more ready rather than a few minutes. Eli showed off his practice breaths exactly at the right time, had he been born a day earlier, the lung trouble he had (which you will hear about next time) would have been much more severe than it was, and had he been born a day later my fluid level would have been too low. He was born at the right time, even though it wasn't because of my planning, it was perfect because it was God's planning.
