Freedom IN the Change

     Let's face it, change, isn't easy. It's difficult, it's uncomfortable, it's frustrating, and it's scary.  We go from what is familiar to something unknown. It's hard to let go of what was. We go through a phase where we want to go back to what we know.  There is an inner battle that we go through as we adjust to the change.  We can hold bitterness, resentment, fear, anger towards the change and the people who caused the change.  Sometimes the anticipation of a potential change causes these feelings and we don't allow the change to occur.  It doesn't matter whether it is good for us, or something that God is calling you to change about yourself, about your church, about a relationship or a whole plethora of other things.  We want what we know.  In our human-ness we get stuck.  We don't want to be uncomfortable or challenged.  BUT, if we embrace the change and choose to live IN it, our attitudes change and God reveals a whole new realm of possibilities and opportunities.  If we live IN the change, we are rewarded.
     We have been living in our new normal of Eli sans his "bucket" for a week now.  I would like to tell you that it was all amazing and joyous and easy for all of us to adjust, but it was not.  All of the things I just explained about my observations of change, I have witnessed and experienced first hand during this past week. 

     When Eli woke up from anesthesia after his cast removal, he was distraught.  He was inconsolable.  While some of this can be contributed to the disorientation caused by anesthesia, it was more about the fact that he was uncomfortable, in pain, cold, scared and confused.  He did not understand why one moment he was cozy (although stinky) in this contraption that had held him before, and now none of those feelings of being secure were there.  He didn't remember what freedom felt like and that he had actually lived like this for a short while already.  He was not excited like his mommy and daddy were for him to relearn what freedom was. 
     I tried to console him.  I tried different positions, feeding him, tried to make him smile or laugh- but nothing that used to work, was helping now.  I felt helpless. We both had an inner struggle of wanting back what was familiar, what we knew.  My baby wanted his cast back, and in that moment... I did too.  That was NOT something I expected.  I have been looking forward and counting down to this day since the day we were told he would need the cast.  How in the world could I possibly want to go back to that? I hated the cast.  I was happy that it would fix his hip, and I found joy in the situation but I did NOT like the cast.  

     For the next few days we had to relearn how to take care of Eli, and he had to relearn how to live in his new normal of freedom.  I loved that I could feel him breathing against me, and I could play with his legs and tickle his belly, but it was not all fun, games and excitement over the fact that my child could finally wear pants.  I struggled because I kept trying to do the things I did while Eli was in the cast.  I wasn't living IN the change.  Things that used to console him, or be comfortable for him, no longer were, yet I kept trying them and getting frustrated when they wouldn't work.  Eli was frustrated too.  He would startle and scare himself when he would move his leg, or when I would carry him, and he would get excited and wiggle but fall backwards a little because there was no cast to catch him.  He had to realize that the things he used to be able to do and even the things he couldn't do had changed.  We both had to start living IN our change in order for us to enjoy it and find our freedom. 

     That discovery and my decision to embrace it has made a world of difference.  Now we are enjoying our freedom.  We are enjoying the new opportunities, like going to the zoo, and in the pool.  We are enjoying the new possibilities for Eli like trying to roll over and having more tummy time where he can push with his back legs and strengthen them so he can eventually scoot, crawl and walk.  We have found our freedom in the change and are no longer longing for what was, but instead looking forward to what will be. 

http://youtu.be/CzUpQCzG8TQ

http://youtu.be/0jy-azGUV2o  (he started at the bottom of the mat)

http://youtu.be/eQF0Ooszoe0 (getting closer to rolling over!)